Psalm 90 - Lament for the Unintentional Life

Psalm 90 was written by Moses, a man who lived three lives: 40 years as a favored member of Pharaoh’s household, 40 years as a shepherd in a wilderness, and 40 years as the leader of a nation wandering for decades in another wilderness. 

A month or two ago my wife an I were discussing life insurance, because I was starting a new job and filling out endless forms to select the benefits I want. We recalled that during our 20s we, along with some of our idealistic friends, we pretty sure that insurance – especially life insurance – was a form of gambling, and that it might be better if we all just trust in God. 

Of course, even in the midst of those conversations, I had already signed up for the life insurance offered by my employer. I had made the choice to roll the dice that I was going to need it someday. I knew then that my body was full of a wide variety of abnormalities and frailties, and I really didn’t expect to live even to the age of 50. 

Now, at the age of 64, we were discussing whether to sign up to pay a very small amount out of each paycheck for a life insurance policy that will expire at 70. The conversation was really not much different than examining the odds to lay down a Super Bowl bet. 

My parents both lived into their early 80s. My brothers, both older than me, died at 49 and 56. But I’ve lived a healthier life than either of my brothers did. But in spite of that, I’ve already had one heart attack, which none of them did. And I’ve got enough stuff wrong with me now that I qualified as extremely high risk if I were to catch the COVID-19.


One of the truest lines ever written in a song is found in the chorus of Andrew Peterson's Faith to Be Strong: 

Give us faith to be strong, Give us strength to be faithful; 

   This life is not long, but it's hard; 

Give us grace to go on, Make us willing and able; 

   Lord, give us faith to be strong

 "This life is not long, but it's hard."

In Moses’ lament, he agrees wholeheartedly with Andrew Peterson. 

The shortness and frailty of our lives is God-ordained. 

3 You turn people back to dust, saying, “Return to dust, you mortals.” 

4 A thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. 

5 Yet you sweep people away in the sleep of death— they are like the new grass of the morning: 

6 In the morning it springs up new, but by evening it is dry and withered. 

Our limited years are weighted down by the guilt we carry and stalked by the judgment of our God.  

7 We are consumed by your anger and terrified by your indignation. 

8 You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence. 

9 All our days pass away under your wrath; we finish our years with a moan. 

Moses lived 120 years, most of them surviving in one wilderness after another. He had good reason to know how painstakingly hard life can be. 

10 Our days may come to seventy years, or eighty, if our strength endures; yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away. 

Moses' lament is not over the difficulties of life or the wrath of God or over the shortness of life. His greatest lament is over our failure to rise above life’s troubles and live each day seeking the heart of God. 

11 If only we knew the power of your anger! Your wrath is as great as the fear that is your due. 

12 Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. 

He begins and ends his psalm of lament with the keys to a life worth living. 

The best life is lived not in our homes or in our neighborhoods or in our careers. The best place to settle in for the long haul of life is in God himself. 

Throughout most of the scriptures, the combination of God and dwelling place refers to the place where he dwells, in heaven. But here, the greatest dwelling place we can hope for is not heaven, but within the arms of the Almighty. 

1 Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. 

2 Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the whole world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. 

If our intentional, numbered days are spent seeking God’s heart, walking along beside him, he will grant us joy as we travel. Each numbered day will be a pleasure, even while we are afflicted, because we are living for Him. If the work of our lives reflects the work of our Lord, he will make our work something worth everything that makes it hard. 

13 Relent, LORD! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. 

14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. 

15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. 

16 May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. 

17 May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands. 

It’s troubling to think I might have only a handful of numbered days or years left in this world. I don’t want to leave my family, my friends, the small joys and pleasures of this life. And there’s more work I’ve yet to do for God to establish. More days to walk with him and talk with him all along life’s way.

Oh Lord, how long will it be? Have compassion on me, your servant, and on the people who rely on me. And lead me each day to be your servant in everything I do.

Psalm 13 - Lament for God's Hidden Face

1 How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? 

       how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? 

2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?

       how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me? 

 3 Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: 

       lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; 

4 Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; 

       and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved. 

5 But I have trusted in thy mercy; 

       my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. 

6 I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

          Psalm 13

When I was young, one of the bible verses that puzzled me most was Paul's command in I Thessalonians 5:17, "pray without ceasing". How was that even possible to do in a literal sense? And I had been taught that anything other than literal obedience is unacceptable.

In the church where I grew up, every verse in the bible was dissected and analyzed to discover the literal meaning. Anything other than literal interpretation and total obedience was denounced as unacceptable.

But this was one of many - so many - verses that my teachers and mentors consistently glossed over. It took me awhile to realize the truth, that commands like these made them uncomfortable because they didn't know how to literally obey them.

It was only years later, when I began to dwell in the Psalms, that I reached an understanding about unceasing prayer.

The Psalmists refer repeatedly to seeking the face of God. 

During the late 1980's I began collecting and reading the entire collection of Louis L'Amour western novels. I could immerse myself in his stories and escape, for a time, from whatever else was weighing on my soul. It took me quite a while to find and read all 89 of his novels.

During this time, my son Cody, was born. He demanded my attention even more than Louis L'Amour. 

Sometimes I'd be sitting and reading a book and Cody would toddle into the room and make a bee-line for me. He'd crawl up into my lap and reach out to pull the paperback book from my hands. Looking at the cover, he'd say, "No cowboy!" and toss the book to the floor.

He was seeking my attention, and the best way he knew to do that was to remove the book that stood between us and seek my face.

When times are tough, when I feel alone, I seek the face of God. 

During the long months of the coronavirus pandemic, I've often sought the face of God. And I've often struggled to gain his attention. 

I know he's there. I know he is aware and watching over me, even when I feel most abandoned. I know this to be true.

But I often don't feel his attention on me. 

All I can do is trust in his mercy, and sing out my thanks to him for the bounty of blessings he has given to me. 

That last part has been an important habit for me during this dark time. Listening and singing along with my favorite Spotify playlist, Pandemic Praise, compiled by Drew Hill, has been a lifeline for me. It reconnects me and redirects to the face of God.

Psalm 44 - Lament for Lost Direction

1 We have heard it with our ears, O God;
   our ancestors have told us
     what you did in their days,
       in days long ago.
2 With your hand you drove out the nations
   and planted our ancestors;
     you crushed the peoples
       and made our ancestors flourish.
3 It was not by their sword that they won the land,
    nor did their arm bring them victory;
     it was your right hand, your arm,
       and the light of your face, for you loved them.
4 You are my King and my God,
    who decrees victories for Jacob.
5 Through you we push back our enemies;
    through your name we trample our foes.
6 I put no trust in my bow,
    my sword does not bring me victory;
7 but you give us victory over our enemies,
    you put our adversaries to shame.
8 In God we make our boast all day long,
    and we will praise your name forever.

Psalm 44:1-8

I spent four years earning a bible college degree in Christian Ministry, but then I would never make Christian ministry my full-time profession. She talked her parents into paying for her training as a state-certified cosmetologist, which she pursued as a profession for only a few months. In both cases, we were distracted and redirected into other careers and other ministries. Sometimes we felt a little guilty for not sticking with the plan. 

But my bible college degree has been invaluable to me in the many and varied volunteer ministry activities I've been involved in: teaching, preaching, counseling, small group leadership, church leadership, foster parenting, prison ministry, and even rideshare driving.

And her months in that cosmetology school was a crash course in what worldly people are really like, far from the relatively sheltered world in which she had grown up.

My career in the hospital supply chain taught me the same thing - to understand the real world of non-isolated non-believers. 

Our involvement with the Mizzou Christian Campus House played a part in introducing us to foster parenting, which flung open the door to a view of life in a world beyond anything we'd experienced before. The combination of dealing with a state bureaucracy and the unbelievably messy lives of the extended families of foster children blew our minds and broadened our perspective and insight into God's activities in the world.

And then came a decade and a half jumping hip deep into prison ministry every Monday night. It was easy to see how God had been preparing us all through those years to be effective in reaching out to women who had fallen off the edge of their world and hit rock bottom. The bible college education, the varied venues and audiences for teaching and counseling, and the intimate atmosphere of small group discipleship. The lifelong sojourn from one rental neighborhood to another, leading to the trial by fire of interacting with neighbors who abused their wives, lived in poverty, and dealt in drugs and violence. The heart-ripping experiences of foster parenting, and the tough years of watching our sons wander through the ways of the world. Interacting with so many of their family and friends who were living on the edge of the line between what we thought of as normal and the world thought of as criminal.

We were at a loss so many times. But we learned that God's call for us was to be there and say "Yes", to whatever and whoever he chose to put in our path. And that it all had been preparing us for the greatest experience of our lives, in that prison chapel.

9 But now you have rejected and humbled us;
         you no longer go out with our armies.
10 You made us retreat before the enemy,
         and our adversaries have plundered us.
11 You gave us up to be devoured like sheep
         and have scattered us among the nations.
12 You sold your people for a pittance,
         gaining nothing from their sale.
13 You have made us a reproach to our neighbors,
         the scorn and derision of those around us.
14 You have made us a byword among the nations;
         the peoples shake their heads at us.
15 I live in disgrace all day long,
         and my face is covered with shame
16 at the taunts of those who reproach and revile me,
     because of the enemy, who is bent on revenge.

               Psalm 44:9-16

But now, where have You brought us to? 

The prison ministry is no more. We couldn't physically keep doing it all ourselves, and the Campus House decided it was no longer a priority. So, not only is it no longer the highlight of our week and our very lives, the prison ministry that meant so much to Roy Weece is no longer part of the Christian Campus House ministry.

The small group that meant so much to our lives also fizzled out around the same time. And our children grew up - in more ways than one - and were no longer central in our ministry lives.

And so we've sat and wondered what's next, with nothing showing on the horizon. Our ministry opportunities have become smaller. Me with occasional conversations with rideshare passengers and co-workers at the office; she shepherding her piano students and their families. We have a new small group, which has been a blessing.

We know - yes we know - that many Christians don't even do that much and never miss it, leaving them hungry for things they don't even comprehend. But for us, it's been like losing whole limbs.

And then, Lord, and then... 2020. Isolated at home because we're both high risk for the virus. Isolated from the co-workers and the rideshare passengers and the casual living room conversations with piano families and small group friends. 

On top of all that, I've been laid off from my job. Separated from the career I chose instead of the one I went to bible college for. Months searching for another job, in a pandemic job market. A 63 year old man who can only work remote jobs is not in great demand. Not in any demand.

My rational mind tells me otherwise, but my emotions live in disgrace all day long, and my face is covered in shame at the taunts of Imposter Syndrome, and second-guessing all those choices driven by fear and the heart of renegades, even as they were driven by divine urging.

17 All this came upon us,
     though we had not forgotten you;
     we had not been false to your covenant.
18 Our hearts had not turned back;
     our feet had not strayed from your path.
19 But you crushed us and made us a haunt for jackals;
     you covered us over with deep darkness.
20 If we had forgotten the name of our God
     or spread out our hands to a foreign god,
21 would not God have discovered it,
     since he knows the secrets of the heart?
22 Yet for your sake we face death all day long;
     we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.

Psalm 44:17-22

And here we are, with all this come upon us. And yet, we have not forgotten you. We run ourselves in circles trying to remind ourselves there must be a plan. We've never known where you were leading us. 

Our hearts have not turned back; our feet have not strayed from your path, even when we have no clue where the path even is. 

23 Awake, Lord! Why do you sleep?
   Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever.
24 Why do you hide your face
   and forget our misery and oppression?
25 We are brought down to the dust;
   our bodies cling to the ground.
26 Rise up and help us;
   rescue us because of your unfailing love.

                Psalm 44:23-26

Psalm 12 - Lament for the Lying Tongues

1 Help, LORD, for no one is faithful anymore;
   those who are loyal have vanished from the human race.
2 Everyone lies to their neighbor;
   they flatter with their lips
   but harbor deception in their hearts.
3 May the LORD silence all flattering lips
   and every boastful tongue—
4 those who say,
   “By our tongues we will prevail;
   our own lips will defend us—who is lord over us?”
5 “Because the poor are plundered and the needy groan,
   I will now arise,” says the LORD.
   “I will protect them from those who malign them.”
6 And the words of the LORD are flawless,
   like silver purified in a crucible,
   like gold refined seven times.
7 You, LORD, will keep the needy safe
   and will protect us forever from the wicked,
8 who freely strut about
   when what is vile is honored by the human race.
         
Psalm 12

My lament begins and ends with a plea to the Lord, the source of truth, the embodiment of truth, the One who requires those who would follow Him to stand for truth.

Jesus, on His last night before facing betrayal and death, didn't allow the pressures and the politics surrounding Him to alter His grasp on True Truth. 

"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." John 14:6

"When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come." John 16:13

"Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth." John 17:17

But today, even among the people who are called by His name, True Truth is a scarce commodity.

God's people appear more devoted to their daily scroll through their social media feeds than to their daily discipline of meditating on the Word. Tweeting and commenting and sharing memes without ceasing have overtaken prayer as the constant companion of the Christian. 

In the late 20th Century we were warned by our preachers and teachers and thinkers about the creeping approach of Postmodernism as the dominant philosophy about life and truth. Just two decades into the new century, we've swallowed whole the lying lips of postmodernism. There's my truth and your truth, politically correct truth and politically expedient truth. Rather than the truth that passes understanding, we've embraced rumors and conspiracies that pass for truth, but are beyond the understanding of people who seek True Truth.

Where is True Truth to be found? How is it to be nurtured and trained? Where are the roots of truth?

1) God's truth will always be rooted in God's mission. 

"Because the poor are plundered and the needy groan, I will now arise," says the Lord. "I will protect them from those who malign them." Psalm 12:5

Any version of truth that doesn't reflect the heart of God isn't God's truth. To seek God's truth, seek the work he has prepared for you to do.

2) God's truth has been tested and purified. 

And the words of the LORD are flawless, like silver purified in a crucible, like gold refined seven times. Psalm 12:6

It doesn't change with the times, but it speaks truth into the postmodern world. It doesn't adapt to the slick lies of the enemies of God. 

Lord, keep your people safe, keep your church focused on those who need your love and your help, rather than on themselves.

Hold us back from modeling ourselves after the wicked, freely strutting about with our endless opinions and contentious arguments defining who we are. Teach us to honor True Truth rather than constructing our own version of vile lies.